This gyro tastes like lonliness
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
