I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
