Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
