That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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