highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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