every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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