Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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