i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
