I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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