I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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