Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
