Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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