I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im holly from the hills drunk
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
