If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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