I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
