There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
