I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
