and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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