I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize