i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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