I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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