Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
