so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize