And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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