My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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