We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
