stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
