I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
