those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
