I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
