I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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