You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
