it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
