Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
