he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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