Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
