I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
