he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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