Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
