Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
