Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
