you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize