I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your cock deserves a montage
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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