Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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