checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
