I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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