After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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