Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize