I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How external is "for external use only"?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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