dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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