No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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