I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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