The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
