I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
