I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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