at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
