My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
