Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.

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(641): View more from Iowa

Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself

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(760): View more from California

running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us

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(360): View more from Washington

you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations

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