I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
