Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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