You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
