I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Im part way to drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You left your phone here
Wait...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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