WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
