He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
