Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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