i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
