you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
